Four More Days

The science exam starts at 9 am in the morning. I've prepped them as much as I can. My work here is done. Tomorrow, I'll be in at 8 am cooking bacon, eggs and toast to help encourage them to be here on time. Some of them will intentionally miss the exam. Next year they will repeat Grade 10 for the third time. Others will hope that this is their ticket out the door and will work harder than they have in all the years they've been to school. I cross my fingers and wait for the results.

It's been quite an adventure the past four months and I'm ready for a break. There are a lot of people who say to me, "You've got a tough job" and I laugh. I never thought it was taxing, maybe because I fit well into my role. It didn't feel like work. I did it and I knew it had to be done.

But the reality of it is that I'm worn out. Not physically nor mentally but just in my heart.

I work with kids that rarely show appreciation. On a daily basis, I could hold a door for students without getting a simple 'thank you'. A lot of them won't talk to you or show any emotions in their face. I am often turned down when I make a simple request. Sometimes, I'll be ignored outright when I ask a question. I make appointments a lot and if I am lucky, the student will show up 45 minutes late. Half the time, I am stood up despite pinky swears and promises. I've even made batches of cookies for no one, even after knocking on the doors of houses, only to have parents tell me that the student is sleeping in after coming home at 9 am in the morning from drinking and partying. I spend a lot of time having high expectations, only to have them lowered repeatedly, time and time again.

Being the Optimist in everyone else's life isn't easy.

And it's definitely not a job that many people can do well. Yet what comes out of it has been amazingly rewarding and worth all of that. There really isn't a secret to it. You just have to do it to figure it out on your own, if you haven't already. I appreciate everything that I've learned up north and feel lucky to have had such wonderful experiences up here. But I'm also happy to be headed home in 4 days as I finish up my contract.

I can't give anymore love right now. My heart just needs a break.